I am originally from Buenos Aires, Argentina. I have been in the United States for almost 20 years. I am a visual artist and an art therapist. My main interest lies in the healing aspects of art and in the effect that past traumatic experience has upon our emotional, psychological and spiritual selves. In thinking about my existence in Buenos Aires, thoughts of despair, pain, fear, betrayal and emotional chaos/distress shake my body. Anger/sadness takes place within my memory... there are moments when I feel haunted by my own history... Those years in bloody, chaotic Buenos Aires manifest themselves, not only in the unconscious mind (dreams), but also in concrete behavioral patterns that developed within me because of that experience. I was a teacher and a community organizer at that time- involved primarily in developing literacy programs in underdeveloped neighborhoods through the Mennonite and liberal side of the Catholic church. I remember being followed-by car, by foot, by truck at gun point; by a helicopter that illuminated my house for minutes at a time on a weekly basis; having the phone and mail tapped, etc. I remember going to the USA Embassy in Buenos Aires, days before my departure, to sign some papers related to my residency. During that procedure I recognized myself in several snapshots of me and my relatives, eating, watching TV, talking, teaching. The Embassy had obtained these perhaps from the military, the undercover police, who knows?..... I remember the cold chill that ran down my spine when I saw myself in those photographs taken from unknown place. These experiences changed my basic perceptions of the world with regard to trust vs. distrust, integrity, reality vs. perception, and colored the way I now relate to the outside world. I am constantly aware of background noises when I am talking on the phone; I have found myself having to hang up because of it and having to immediately call back in order to continue the conversation. If the phone company is working by my alley on one of the phone poles and I am at home, I´ll go back and forth to the window so as to monitor what they are doing, and I will sometimes go to the workers to inquire what they are doing. I become very aggravatedwhen I am not informed in advance about such "intrusion;" I get suspicious if my mail gets to me opened or scratched. I may go so far as to ask my neighbors if they are having the same experience with their mail. My answering machine has a device by which I can monitor the sounds of my apartment when I am away by just calling my phone and entering a code. I don´t spend my days calling myself to monitor the sounds now, although if I find myself under pressure, I may do it a couple of times during the week. I feel uncomfortable when a person, whom I don´t know walks behind me for a considerable amount of time; immediately in my mind there is the thought that "he/she may want something...or is she/he following me..." So I may stop walking and let the other person pass me or just turn unexpectedly around and look that person in the eye. Of course, I am very much aware now of what I am doing and where all these is coming from. I am able to laugh at myself now, maybe to relieve the profound sadness I experience from time to time... however...I will always wonder how my inner world would have been if I have not had experienced what I did....    Beatriz