It was decided by the Intrepid Rocket Photographer to hold the second
dino launching in daylight, to take better pictures.
Updated January 25, 2000 - More photos!
(Each picture has a secret caption that can be revealed by moving the
mouse over it.)
Everything here is true and actually happened, on December 31, 1999 and January 1, 2000, at an undisclosed location in the Midwestern U.S. These are actual, unretouched, photographs of these events and things. I could not possibly have made up something like this.
It was the coming of the New Millennium. Our team of Crack(ed) Rocket Scientists had gathered at a secret outpost on a frozen lake to usher it in. To our shock, horror, and terror, we discovered that we had an imposter in the house. One whom we very much wanted not to accompany us into the year 2000.
We had everything we needed to deal with this problem.
It was to be a textbook Barney Disposal.
Barney was tied to two large rockets, which flew spectacularly into the
midnight sky as the new millennium arrived.
High in the starry night sky there was a "pop".
Then there was silence, and then a "thud", somewhere out in the
frozen darkness of the lake, as the spent rockets hit the ice.
Presumably, Barney had been blown to smithereens.
He would not be with us in the new millennium.
The world was saved; those feared Y2K computer glitches were warded off.
Super-Dee-Duper! ™ Cheers!
Pop those champagne corks; tap that beer keg.
Happy New Year!
The next morning at about 2:00PM, when the Hungover Rocket Scientists
awoke from their slumber,
a Search Party was dispatched to locate any fragmentary remains of our
dear departed purple dinosaur.
Here we see four of the Hungover Rocket Scientists,
three on bicycles, and the fourth on
four paws, scouring the surface of the frozen lake.
Alas and alack!
Reports from out on the lake indicate that
Barney has not only been found, but he is just fine!
We have been foiled by a pervasive purple dino.
This particular Rocket Scientist knows it is Time For A Beer,
while waiting for the others to slide and carom
their way back across the ice
on their bicycles, with Barney in tow.
It was decided by the Intrepid Rocket Photographer to hold the second
dino launching in daylight, to take better pictures.
The astronaut-dinosaur was prepared for his new demise.
More High Explosives were acquired at the Quick-Mart.
More beer was poured into glasses.
This time, we weren't going to just fling him into the air, we had
murder in our hearts.
If we were going to make the New Millennium safe,
we knew we had to blow him apart into itsy bitsy pieces.
The Launch pad was acquired from the usual
box of old gift wrap paper, and
constructed safely out on Cape Barney next to the Lake.
Timing was everything!
Our Crack(ed) Launch Team had to:
With a Stu-u-upendous ™ "ka-boom", that sent
the Intrepid Rocket Scientists scrambling
for cover behind trees, lawn furniture, and
beer barrels, Barney was airborne for the second time.
There was more noise and smoke than actual results. When the Terrified
Rocket Scientists emerged from behind their flimsy hiding places and
refilled their beers, they found that
Barney had flown a paltry four feet from the Launch Pad.
At least this time, some damage was successfully done.
As the saying goes, "We ripped him a new ...hole."
But Barney the Invincible Dinosaur had remained in one piece.
And, he still had that famous, stupid grin on his stupid, purple face.
We hadn't planned on doing this three times.
The first Barney Disposal Launch was supposed to have reduced him to
millions of tiny purple bits, scattered across the ice.
Now, two tries had failed, and the situation was becoming desperate.
With darkness approaching, the Rocket Photographer urged that one
more launch be made - quickly.
There was only time for refilling of the beers - nothing else.
This time, Barney would basically become an enormous Roman Candle.
He would finally be blown to bits, making the world safe for children
and computer programs once again.
Once more, a resounding "ka-boom" that echoed across the frozen
wasteland, and sent the Frustrated Rocket Scientists scrambling
for cover.
Once more, hopes were raised that
finally we had made the New Millennium safe from
The Curse of the Purple Dinosaur.
When the Frightened Rocket Scientists peered back out from behind
their trees and beer kegs, they saw that
their Launch Pad had been heavily damaged by fire.
But, lying
there on the sand among the ashes, grinning that stupid grin
back up at them, was Barney!
At least he wasn't purple anymore.
So this is the moral of this little tale.
Do not under any circumstances let a purple dinosaur named Barney into
your household!
He is sinister, and everlasting.
You will be unable to get rid of him.
You can hurl him into the heavens, blow him up to smithereens,
and burn him to a crisp,
and he still grins that stupid grin back at you.
Standard Disclaimer: We cannot be responsible for anything that happens to you while riding a bicycle upon the surface of a lake, whether or not it is frozen, and regardless of whether or not you are searching for Barney.
Technical details: These photos were taken on ordinary 400-speed film with an ordinary camera, and scanned by paying the local supermarket $3.99 extra for a "Kodak Picture Disk". Hi-Tech, eh?
Visit the homepage of the Rocket Scientist, Photographer, and Webmaster. Some photos also by Rocket Scientist Trailmonkey. This page © Copyright 2000, Roger Deschner. Barney is a registered trademark of Lyons Partnership, L.P. This page, as parody, is allowed under the Fair Use clause of the Copyright Act.